She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize