thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
