apparently the secret to your success is patron
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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