Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
