Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
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