Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
