Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
