oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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