Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize