I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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