Three words: puerto rican gang bang
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
