All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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