He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Congratulations! We have a period
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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