i think my mom watched the whole time
Barsexuality is the new black.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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