Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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