My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
