Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Houston, we have a squirter
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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