Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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