no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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