you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
