I just made out with a guy for $7.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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