it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
