this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize