k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
