Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
