It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
