Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
