Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
