do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Randomize
