Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
