So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize