peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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