Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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