How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
We need a shit load of segways right now
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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