My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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