My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
