I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
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