her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
