Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
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