I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Randomize
