i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
birth control should be required to get into college
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
