Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
