i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize