I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
