While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Randomize
