So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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