I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
