Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
