i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
