sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
