hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
