apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
