Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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