Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
