are you so shy because you have an std?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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