I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
