margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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