I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
