We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
