And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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