how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
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