We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
