I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
