Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
of course. lets lasso hookers.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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