Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
