i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
