I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize