Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
