Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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