the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize