sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
