Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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