the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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