Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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