At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
