why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
