He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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