So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
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