Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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