The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
this is an emotional support booty call
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
