I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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