I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
